My perfect fairy-ogre

Organising myself was still a problem on day 5, Im not a very organised person at the best of times, but I couldnt've organised my way out of a wet paper bag!!
I got in to Jazzie at 11am.  As soon as I reached her, I became overwhelmed again, totally, and broke down sobbing.  Im not typically a teary person, but so far I had cried more in 5 days than I had in my entire life up to that point!!   I felt that I'd been away from her too long.  Here she was, stuck in a box, being poked and prodded, probably frightened and feeling very alone, and I wasnt there for her.

I was also completely overcome with love for her.  She was a tiny, fragile, perfect little fairy, all she was missing was a pair of gorgeous gossamer wings!
Ok, when it was time for cares, the perfect little fairy became a fierce and powerful ogre....but right in that moment as I was overcome, she was my perfect fairy!

The nurse caring for Jazz that day said she'd had a few braddies during the night (heart rate dropped), but managed to pick herself up.  Her oxygen had gone up to 35%, but that was still good.  Although the nurses did prepare me for worse, saying that these bubs do tend to have a 'honeymoon' period.  They had given her 5% dextrose to level out her sugar and had upped her fluids to improve her heart rate and urine output.  They replaced her ventilator tapes, and told me her umbilical tube would be out in a day or two.  When the umbilical tube came out, she would be able to lie on her tummy and would be much more settled.  They told me they couldnt believe how feisty she is and how much she kicks and moves!!
Later that day her feeds were upped to 1ml, 2 hourly!!

I was brave enough to finally do my first nappy change and take her temperature!!  I was still scared that I would hurt her, but I needed to feel as though I was doing something to help her and actually be her mummy.  As I did her cares my hands looked to me  like huge, wickedly sharp and very clutzy talons.  Jazz hated it, and fought me the whole time, and it took me ages to get it done as I was trying to be so careful!!
Its hard to believe that someone so tiny could be so strong!!  She had some serious strength in those little stick figure arms and legs!

A nurse sold me a tiny ink pad, and told me that when the umbilical tube came out, they would be able to do hand and footprints periodically as a special keepsake and record of her growth. 

When I saw the neonatologist during the day, he told me she was doing great!  She'd had a cerebral scan on the 18th or 19th.  Babies born this early are at serious risk of cerebral bleeds, often having their first at birth.  So far Jazzie was all clear!!  I wonder if being born in the sac cushioned her against the bulk of potential trauma.  She would have the cerebral scans weekly for a while.

All in all day 5 had been much better, and by the end of the day I was beginning to feel slightly more coherent!  Paul and I both went back in that night, Jazz had been covered by a blankie cos she was cold.....I thought it mustve been because I mustve taken waaaaay too long with her cares earlier that day, I felt really bad for her, poor poppet.